The Leader

Issue date: 11/8/06 Section: Music

One of the first things budding journalists learn is to cover a subject with the utmost fairness. All sides are to be represented evenly, all quotes are to be used within the proper context and all facts available are to be utilized to educate the reader. But in an age where fairness doesn't sell newspapers, it's hard for a writer to stick to the ruling principles. In the spirit of this new media climate, here are several albums reviewed in the most superficial manner imaginable: by the artwork on their covers.

Todd Carey
Sampler CD/DVD (KUFALA Recordings)

Look at that grin. That's the grin of a man who still sleeps in a racecar bed. At least he got some extra use out of his senior photo. Carey's winning smile and spiky hair say "I'm the kind of musician you can take home to mother," while everything else about his image screams, "Coming soon to your favorite record store's bargain bin!"

1 of 5

Regurgitate
Carnivorous Erection (Relapse)

Anyone who doesn't associate a penis with teeth with good music obviously doesn't pay enough attention to Billy Corgan. If Regurgitate was trying to change the way the world looks at the phallus they've done so in spades. To those who don't appreciate this album's cover, keep in mind that it's nowhere near as disturbing as a college newspaper publishing a rape fantasy pictorial.

1 of 5

Boston
Don't Look Back (Sony)

Beep. Beep. Boop. Incoming transmission from Planet Shit: "Hey guys, have our ambassadors, Boston, put out a good album yet? No? Ok, we'll check back in another 35 years!" As far as album covers go, Boston has been beating a dead space-horse since the 70s. Don't Look Back may be the cheesiest vision of the future since Logan's Run.

2 of 5

Dio
Holy Diver (Warner Bros)

This cover is pure awesome. Rumor has it that Ronnie James Dio originally wanted the artwork to feature a wizard playing a flaming guitar on a mountain of skulls while killing a dragon with eye lasers, but he realized his fans would be too busy gazing upon its beauty to listen to the goodness within.

5 of 5

-Nick Schurk

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