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(Sung to the tune of the “Mystery Science Theater 3000” theme song) In the not too distant past, last Thursday evening, we sat around and watched a film that was really neat. It was shown in the Union Theater, just another place in the Union. They did a good job filling up that place because the fans…

Well, you get the picture. There is no way in Hell I am going to be writing song lyrics in this lifetime, and probably the next, but you get the point: last Thursday, Nov. 9, the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee’s own Mystery Science Theater 3000 (or MST3K for short) Club ran a free screening of the 1996 cult classic, “Mystery Science Theater 3000: the Movie” at the Union Theater. To put things lightly, it was well received.

“Mystery Science Theater 3000: the Movie” is essentially identical to the long-running television series of the same title—except in this case it had a budget, a few more campy special effects and the chance to pull out a few of the more risqué riffs that never would have passed the show’s television sponsors. The movie tells a heartwarming story about the evil Dr. Forrester and his plans to take over the world by driving everyone insane with the worst movie ever made. The thing is, he needs to discover the movie so horrible it would drive said viewer insane; this is where Mike Nelson and the ‘bots come in. Mike is Dr. Forrester’s second test subject (fans of the show will recall Joel Robinson as the original test subject held captive by the mad doctor) to be held captive; essentially, Dr. Forrester lives in his hidden lair, known as Deep 13, and he sends the movies up to Mike, who is held captive aboard the Satellite of Love (SOL). With Mike are four robots: Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot, who aid him during the movie-viewing process, Gypsy, who maintains all of the Satellite of Love’s higher functions, and Cam-Bot, from whose point of view we see the events aboard the SOL. Dr. Forrester has sent up anything and everything from crappy Japanese Sci-Fi flicks to crappy comedies to crappy action movies to crappy Danish versions of Hamlet. There are others- the show aired from 1988-1999.

In the Movie, Dr. Forrester feasts their eyes (and ours) on “This Island Earth.” Hilarity ensues. But that’s not important; with Mike and the ‘bots, hilarity is always bound to ensue.

Perhaps you’re wondering, “Where can I, a fan of “Mystery Science Theater 3000,” or not a fan, but someone who would like to become one, procure myself a copy of this magnificent opus?” You can find it online, but at great expense: first printed on DVD in 1998, it was since discontinued in 2000 after a hairy lawsuit over title prices. Used copies are still available, but will cost upwards of $60 to $100. “Special editions” have also been known to pop up from time to time at conventions, so good luck finding those.

Perhaps the biggest death-knell for “Mystery Science Theater 3000: the Movie” was the fact that its distributor, Gramcercy Pictures, sacrificed advertising in favor of the simultaneously-released “Barb Wire,” starring the then Pamela Anderson Lee and the “twins.” May they be forgiven for their sins.

Nonetheless, “Mystery Science Theater 3000,” the television series, can be found on DVD in most retail outlets wherever fine DVDs are sold. Of course, the program was on for 11 years, with some 200 episodes in all, naturally all you will find are some 40 episodes on the 10 box sets available to date, with a handful of individual DVDs separately packaged.

Just think! To this day, a bone-shaped satellite still orbits this Earth with a floating skeleton and four extremely bored robots! Or maybe not. Keep your calendar marked for Dec. 1, when the MST3K Club introduces Michael J. Nelson for a special Mystery Science Theater 3000 Q & A in the Alumni Fireside lounge. I know I’ll be there.

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