The Leader

This past Saturday, many people celebrated Earth Day on a surprisingly warm and sunny day. At the Urban Ecology Center, an open house gave way to a free jazz concert, educational tours, and more. Parking was at a premium, with many cars circling the entrance. Yes, people celebrated their love of the planet by idling their vehicle.

The night before, the Third Ward saw another very successful Gallery Night. Again, vehicles flooded and blocked the street. It's hard to believe that gasoline is $3 a gallon.

When the price of gasoline hit $2 a gallon, we all became visibly upset. We complained and spoke over the fence to our neighbors and to the local news cameras that would stop us as we filled up. We said that we were going to have to cancel our vacation plans and walk to the grocery store. Instead, everyone took their lumps.

Everyone swallowed their pride and whipped out the credit card to shoulder the burden. The credit card, of course, is made from plastic. Plastic is made from oil. In fact, certain cosmetics, vitamins, candles, sneakers, the dyes from pens, and many other items are made with petrochemicals. We are not only a country "addicted to oil", as our President told us what we already knew, but one that cannot function without it. We have grown spoiled to a lifestyle of spending without reserves and driving without apology.

I find at the late period of April, I cannot leave my car at home. It is necessary to not only get places, but also to transport needed items. For example, most of the Leader staff does not have cars so they make me pick up the bi-weekly meeting pizzas. I put a tarp underneath them, but the stack was so high that the grease bled out the side and onto the backrest of the backseat. The stain would not come out.

So, now when I look in the rearview mirror it is like Poe's Telltale Heart ticking under the floorboards. I am reminded of my dependence on all things oily.

For the most part, the recent crisis has been dulled by American high standards of living and the free-money feeling credit cards provide. Putting off the problem for awhile is like having Prozac in our wallets. It's enough to make you want to punch an old person in the gut.

This is the first reaction to the world's ever-increasing ills. After all, most of the problems we face in America are the fault of our parents' and grandparents' generation. We all saw a giant tidal wave coming, but somehow figured that before it hit us someone would provide an out. Now the wave has washed over us and we are drowning. Yet we still stand in the same place, bubbles comically coming out of our noses, wondering when the help is going to show up.

Anyone expecting the government to help is screwed. After all, the Republican side of things calls for more free enterprise while keeping hands off societal aid. The Democratic side may be no better, as their plans usually involve more taxes for people and monumental undertakings before their term expires-the fail. What needs to happen in our country is a "no-take backs" rule. When a good idea happens, it stays that way forever. There is too much flexibility in programs, which is why protected natural landscapes like the Alaskan Wildlife Refuge can be plundered.

Too many people in other countries die because of this black stuff. Well, yes, a lot of dinosaurs and plants from that era died to make it. Many people here become sick from the fumes and need medical treatment that cost us money. Many people get behind the empowering presence of a vehicle and run into other cars.

Don't look to your university to necessarily be a beacon of environment and fiscal consciousness, either. None of the physical plant vehicles I have seen on campus are electric or hybrids, or run an experimental ethanol made from corn. Same goes for all of the construction vehicles working on Klotsche and Lapham. The campus is not heated by solar power, either.

So what do we do? We cannot radically change our lives so completely that we do not involve the use of oil in our lives? All of our groceries come to us on a truck. Products in our home invariably will be oil-based. I cannot give up gasoline and my car any more than I can give up food and drink that contain corn syrup. Damn you, you high-fructose goodness! You're in my spaghetti sauce, my soda, and my toothpaste!

But I digress. What we need to do is punch a bunch of old people. We need to find our leaders, kick them in the crotches, and take over their offices. It is not enough to let our mommies and daddies bail us out anymore. They are the problem, not the cure.

You are old enough to fuck now, and enjoy a cigarette afterwards (latex and polyurethane condoms are made out of oil). You are old enough to go to war (to countries. When former oilman-turn-President George W. Bush spends his Saturday talking up hydrogen, it is a sign we are truly screwed.

No amount of me writing about icebergs melting will assuage you from driving. You can't see them, what do you care. Call me when it's Waterworld bad, you say. Just because people treat you like immature, irresponsible whelps that they have to wipe the asses of doesn't mean you happily accept it. Take some action.

The Caution Children generation must stop whining and protesting about this thing and punch a few old men in polyester (hey, made from oil!) business suits and get our country off the 111-year crutch.

Article Tools