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What makes a good movie? Does an intelligent story make it good? Do the great actors or fantastic graphics make it worthwhile? Maybe even a theme of some sort? How about, what makes a movie a movie? Is anything shown on a large white screen officially considered a movie? Why are all these questions being asked? Because Neil Young: Heart of Gold is not a movie.

There is no plot, or story, or point whatsoever. No special graphics or actors playing a part, and those thinking that this is a documentary are going to be sorely disappointed. It opens with an interview from every member of Neil Young's band (and himself) talking about a past memory revolving around Young himself. And then comes the singing. That's it. The rest of the entire movie is his concert at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville. There are no intercut interviews or home footage between songs; in fact, all we get between the songs are fades to black.

This was directed by an Academy Award-winning director? This? My ten-year-old nephew could have shot this. It's not difficult to film a bunch of non-moving figures standing on a well-lit stage for two hours. This was made by Jonathan Demme; he directed The Silence of the Lambs! One of the best horror-thrillers of all time! What on earth made him want to direct a bunch of cameras taping a concert?! And look, it's produced by Tom Hanks. How could something from Tom Hanks and Jonathan Demme have turned out so ill? Whose idea was this? Neil Young couldn't be egotistical enough to have wanted this himself (one would hope).

Speaking of Neil, has anyone actually heard him sing? For the way he looks (old, dumpy and creepy) he has an unnaturally high voice. As he hits the notes his face seems to contort into incredible pain. He looks like someone has grabbed his balls and is twisting them with all their might. To make this blisteringly obvious, Demme has decided on many numerous close ups of his face. It's hard to take the film seriously when even the singer looks like he's in pain with his own music.

Heart of Gold isn't a feature film, it isn't a documentary, it's a supplemental DVD you get when you buy a four-disc "best of" collection. There is no reason this should be in theaters, nor should it be on film. It should be in the five-dollar bin at Best Buy along with all of the other concert DVDs no one buys. Who wants to see an aging hippie croon nearly motionless for an hour and forty-five minutes? Other aging hippies, that's who. You have to be a major, major fan of Neil Young to even begin to consider thinking about possibly seeing this film. If you are, then go see a real concert, not this. However, if you're too cheap or too poor to see his concert, then by all means, this is the movie for you.

If you're a fan, 4 of 5; otherwise,

0 of 5

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